SevenQuestions: Elizabeth Hilts

Seven answers on 7Q (also known as the FAQs of life.)
Interviewed by Tom Mangan

Elizabeth Hilts, online writer, Inner Bitch theorist, Wisdom Maven

Her online soap opera is here; An interview with previous 7Q victim Madeleine Begun Kane is here.

AUTHORS

Michael Fuchs
Elizabeth Hilts
Paul Riddell
Gary Rivlin
Jim Motavalli
Barbara Shafferman
Jules Siegel
Keith Snyder

ARTISTS/POETS/
PHILOSOPHERS

Jon C. Allen
Will Baker
Mike Leung
Jon Sarkin

COOL SITE KEEPERS

Mike Cash
Scott O'Neal Colf
Godfrey Daniels
Cliff Davis, DDS
Tammy Hocking
Wes Modes
Frank Rogan

DIARISTS

Ralph Becker
J. D. Bruns
Linda DeVault
Mike Reed
Moira Richardson
Jessamyn West

FILMMAKERS

Ben Kufrin
Dean Mermell

JOURNALISTS

Bernie
Mary Cooley-Jones
Lindsay Crysler
Jamie Dupree
M.O.A.T.M.A.I.
David Moll
Robert Niles
John Orr
Steven Ovadia
Pierce Presley
Mack Reed
Rip Rense
Curtis Ross
Neal Ross
John Scalzi
Catherine Seipp
David Sheets
Dwight Silverman
Matt Welch

MOVIE MAVENS

MaryAnn Johanson
Brian Koller

HUMORISTS

Debbie Farmer
Mike Jasper
Madeleine Begun Kane
Patrick Keller
Bob Sassone
Valerie Sprague
Ken Swarmer
Ian Wolff

SOLDIERS

Maj. Jon Anderson, USAF

TEACHERS

John Warner

TECHIES

Chris Adamson
Mike Gunderloy
Michael Ivey
Greg Knauss
Floyd Maxwell
Ellen McDonough
Mike Pingleton
Wayne Thume
John Worth

TEENS

Gary Baum
Marty Beckerman

UNDECLARED

Bev Gibbs
Beth Reid

WEBLOGGERS

Jason Kottke
Jish Mukerji

ONE
How'd you get this gig writing the online soap opera?

I suppose you'd like the short answer to this; however, in my heart of hearts I’m a novelist, so fasten your seatbelt.

I was indulging in some instant emailing with my publisher at www.shesgotittogether.com when she mentioned that she wanted to start a cybersoap based on an idea she had. Naturally, she thought I’d be interested in working on this project, because I’ve written some humorous self-help books (the very famous "Inner Bitch" books) and everyone knows that soap operas are really dedicated to self-help.

Being a curious person (due to my background in journalism), I suggested she send me an outline of the soap, which she did. I played around with her idea a bit, sent my ideas back to her and a whole new web site (www.charmerslanding.com) was born.

TWO
How'd you get this gig writing the online soap opera?

I suppose you'd like the short answer to this; however, in my heart of hearts I’m a novelist, so fasten your seatbelt.

I was indulging in some instant emailing with my publisher at www.shesgotittogether.com when she mentioned that she wanted to start a cybersoap based on an idea she had. Naturally, she thought I’d be interested in working on this project, because I’ve written some humorous self-help books (the very famous "Inner Bitch" books) and everyone knows that soap operas are really dedicated to self-help.

Being a curious person (due to my background in journalism), I suggested she send me an outline of the soap, which she did. I played around with her idea a bit, sent my ideas back to her and a whole new web site (www.charmerslanding.com) was born.

THREE

Time travel: Share a typical scene from your life when you were 16, married, a new mom and a high school dropout.

Wow, you really do your research, don’t you? That was such a long time ago…

Needless to say, I didn’t have a whole lot of structure in my days I wasn’t in school and I didn’t have a job. My first husband, Shannon (my daughter) and I were living with his parents and two younger sisters in a rather crowded apartment. Everyone else had somewhere to go, so I spent my days taking care of the house (an activity at which I was wicked bad ), taking care of the baby (which I was better at), and hanging out with my school-skipping friends. I did do an awful lot of reading, which I’m convinced saved my life because that helped keep my brain active.

But you asked for a typical scene, so here’s one: at that time I lived in Fairfield County, a rather upscale part of the U.S. I look like a total WASP (white, blonde hair, blue eyes) and in fact come from a fairly privileged background. So I didn’t fit the "profile" of a teenaged mother, especially in those days.

Shannon was an exceptionally beautiful baby (who, I must brag, grew up to be an exceptionally beautiful woman), she garnered a lot of attention from strangers. More than once people, usually women, stopped me to get a closer look at Shannon. They’d do all the usual cooing and then ask me how long I’d been babysitting for her.

"I’m not the babysitter, I’m her mother," I’d reply. The indulgent smiles would be replaced with a look of shocked disgust and/or pity. "Oh," they’d manage, completely thrown by this news.

I have to admit I enjoyed shocking them I still do enjoy shattering the illusion that Shannon and I are sisters. Mostly, however, that shift into pity or disgust hurt me deep to the core; it still does.

FOUR
I saw in one interview that you were amused when Rush Limbaugh denounced you as a radical feminist for writing "Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bitch." Given your lack of a university pedigree it does seem a bit silly, but in any case, why do you think Ol' Rush thought you were a radical feminist?

Well, first let me clarify something: Although I did drop out of high school, I eventually got a GED and attended college. Maintaining my academic practice, I have not yet completed a degree; however, thanks to all that reading, life experiences, and my professional pursuits I believe that I qualify for a Ph.D. in Practical Studies from Real Life University.

As to the question of being called a radical feminist theorist by Rush Limbaugh, I was honored. The characterization isn’t too far off the mark; I have lived a rather radical life insofar as I’ve strayed a bit from the so-called "norm," I am a feminist, and since my main activity in life is thinking about the way things are, I guess I am a theorist.

Besides, being targeted by Rush on his radio and television shows certainly increased interest in my work. I really should send that man flowers…

FIVE
"Inner Bitch" is a call to arms against "toxic niceness" -- which you've characterized as women being so accommodating to others that they act against their own self-interest. It's one thing to make the point in the ideal universe of the printed page, but I wonder, in everyday life, how do you draw the line between toxic niceness and common decency?

I know that I’m lapsing into Toxic Niceness when saying "yes" to something makes me feel uncomfortable. That can be because I’m allowing someone to take advantage of me or I’ve gotten sucked into "not rocking the boat." There’s a lot of boats that need rocking.

For instance, the other day a woman at the gym was complaining about the music. "I hate this rap stuff. No wonder these kids all kill each other," she said. Nodding politely would have been the "Toxic Niceness" thing to do; however, I felt compelled to question whether the music was an expression of class/race/age-related anger or if it was a symptom. Is it really common decency to refrain from expanding the dialogue about hot issues? I don’t think so. If it were, Oprah wouldn’t be so popular.

On a more personal level, I really do believe that being in touch with my Inner Bitch allows me to have deeper, more honest relationships with my family and friends. And I've found it's invaluable professionally -- everyone I work with knows my boundaries. I don't think of my Inner Bitch as an excuse to indulge in poor behavior; it's more about empowering me to keep my actions and my beliefs in synch.

SIX
I notice Nicole Hollander of "Sylvia" comic strip fame did the cover art for "Inner Bitch." I've been a fan of her stuff for years, so I'm wondering, how did she come to be chosen for that job?

Isn’t she great? I love her stuff, too. My editor, Deborah Werksman, who first founded Hysteria as a magazine, had a relationship with Nicole Hollander. When Deb and I decided to do the first book, she contacted Nicole about doing the cover art. Although I had nothing to do with that decision I couldn’t be happier with the results. Nicole really captured the essence of the Inner Bitch.

SEVEN
Can you share a story of something really funny/strange that happened in the course of promoting your books?

One of my favorite stories about this happened when I was promoting the first book. I had radio interviews stacked up like flights into Newark. Usually this is all arranged beforehand. But one morning when I didn’t have anything scheduled, I was awakened by the phone ringing at 6 a.m. I answer and hear "Hi! Is this Elizabeth Hilts, author of 'Getting In Touch With Your Inner Bitch'?"

"Yeah," I reply.

"Well, this is So-and-so and So-and-so and you’re on the air!"

"You know, I don’t think so. You’re gonna have to call back after I’ve had some coffee," I say, and I hang up the phone.

They called back (off the air, this time) and apologized. After I’d had a caffeine infusion we did the interview. It was a great interview, because these two guys had actually experienced the Inner Bitch in action.

Then there was the time I was flown to LA for what I thought was supposed to be the filming of a talk show pilot but turned out to be an audition for the two prospective hosts of the show. No set, no cameras; just me and these two women pretending to do a talk show segment. That was weird, but I did get to see the "Moesha" set and a bunch of frequent flyer miles ... and I'd never been to LA before then.

THE BIG INDEX...
Who they are, what they do, how they think. Go there now.

A TO Z ARCHIVE...

Everybody here, with quickie bios. Go there now.

Return to the main Seven Questions page
See the original Newsies 7Q project

Contact info@sevenquestions.com
Copyright 1999-2002, Thomas L. Mangan



Seven answers on 7Q (also known as the FAQs of life.)	Interviewed by Tom Mangan Elizabeth Hilts, online writer, Inner Bitch theorist, Wisdom Maven Her online soap opera is here; An interview with previous 7Q victim Madeleine Begun Kane is here.	AUTHORS Michael Fuchs Elizabeth Hilts Paul Riddell Gary Rivlin Jim Motavalli Barbara Shafferman Jules Siegel Keith Snyder ARTISTS/POETS/ PHILOSOPHERS Jon C. Allen Will Baker Mike Leung Jon Sarkin COOL SITE KEEPERS Mike Cash Scott O'Neal Colf Godfrey Daniels Cliff Davis, DDS Tammy Hocking Wes Modes Frank Rogan DIARISTS Ralph Becker J. D. Bruns Linda DeVault Mike Reed Moira Richardson Jessamyn West FILMMAKERS Ben Kufrin Dean Mermell JOURNALISTS Bernie Mary Cooley-Jones Lindsay Crysler Jamie Dupree M.O.A.T.M.A.I. David Moll Robert Niles John Orr Steven Ovadia Pierce Presley Mack Reed Rip Rense Curtis Ross Neal Ross John Scalzi Catherine Seipp David Sheets Dwight Silverman Matt Welch MOVIE MAVENS MaryAnn Johanson Brian Koller HUMORISTS Debbie Farmer Mike Jasper Madeleine Begun Kane Patrick Keller Bob Sassone Valerie Sprague Ken Swarmer Ian Wolff SOLDIERS Maj. Jon Anderson, USAF TEACHERS John Warner TECHIES Chris Adamson Mike Gunderloy Michael Ivey Greg Knauss Floyd Maxwell Ellen McDonough Mike Pingleton Wayne Thume John Worth TEENS Gary Baum Marty Beckerman UNDECLARED Bev Gibbs Beth Reid WEBLOGGERS Jason Kottke Jish Mukerji



ONE	How'd you get this gig writing the online soap opera? I suppose you'd like the short answer to this; however, in my heart of hearts I’m a novelist, so fasten your seatbelt. I was indulging in some instant emailing with my publisher at www.shesgotittogether.com when she mentioned that she wanted to start a cybersoap based on an idea she had. Naturally, she thought I’d be interested in working on this project, because I’ve written some humorous self-help books (the very famous "Inner Bitch" books) and everyone knows that soap operas are really dedicated to self-help. Being a curious person (due to my background in journalism), I suggested she send me an outline of the soap, which she did. I played around with her idea a bit, sent my ideas back to her and a whole new web site (www.charmerslanding.com) was born.



TWO	How'd you get this gig writing the online soap opera? I suppose you'd like the short answer to this; however, in my heart of hearts I’m a novelist, so fasten your seatbelt. I was indulging in some instant emailing with my publisher at www.shesgotittogether.com when she mentioned that she wanted to start a cybersoap based on an idea she had. Naturally, she thought I’d be interested in working on this project, because I’ve written some humorous self-help books (the very famous "Inner Bitch" books) and everyone knows that soap operas are really dedicated to self-help. Being a curious person (due to my background in journalism), I suggested she send me an outline of the soap, which she did. I played around with her idea a bit, sent my ideas back to her and a whole new web site (www.charmerslanding.com) was born.



THREE	Time travel: Share a typical scene from your life when you were 16, married, a new mom and a high school dropout. Wow, you really do your research, don’t you? That was such a long time ago… Needless to say, I didn’t have a whole lot of structure in my days I wasn’t in school and I didn’t have a job. My first husband, Shannon (my daughter) and I were living with his parents and two younger sisters in a rather crowded apartment. Everyone else had somewhere to go, so I spent my days taking care of the house (an activity at which I was wicked bad ), taking care of the baby (which I was better at), and hanging out with my school-skipping friends. I did do an awful lot of reading, which I’m convinced saved my life because that helped keep my brain active. But you asked for a typical scene, so here’s one: at that time I lived in Fairfield County, a rather upscale part of the U.S. I look like a total WASP (white, blonde hair, blue eyes) and in fact come from a fairly privileged background. So I didn’t fit the "profile" of a teenaged mother, especially in those days. Shannon was an exceptionally beautiful baby (who, I must brag, grew up to be an exceptionally beautiful woman), she garnered a lot of attention from strangers. More than once people, usually women, stopped me to get a closer look at Shannon. They’d do all the usual cooing and then ask me how long I’d been babysitting for her. "I’m not the babysitter, I’m her mother," I’d reply. The indulgent smiles would be replaced with a look of shocked disgust and/or pity. "Oh," they’d manage, completely thrown by this news. I have to admit I enjoyed shocking them I still do enjoy shattering the illusion that Shannon and I are sisters. Mostly, however, that shift into pity or disgust hurt me deep to the core; it still does.



FOUR	I saw in one interview that you were amused when Rush Limbaugh denounced you as a radical feminist for writing "Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bitch." Given your lack of a university pedigree it does seem a bit silly, but in any case, why do you think Ol' Rush thought you were a radical feminist? Well, first let me clarify something: Although I did drop out of high school, I eventually got a GED and attended college. Maintaining my academic practice, I have not yet completed a degree; however, thanks to all that reading, life experiences, and my professional pursuits I believe that I qualify for a Ph.D. in Practical Studies from Real Life University. As to the question of being called a radical feminist theorist by Rush Limbaugh, I was honored. The characterization isn’t too far off the mark; I have lived a rather radical life insofar as I’ve strayed a bit from the so-called "norm," I am a feminist, and since my main activity in life is thinking about the way things are, I guess I am a theorist. Besides, being targeted by Rush on his radio and television shows certainly increased interest in my work. I really should send that man flowers…



FIVE	"Inner Bitch" is a call to arms against "toxic niceness" -- which you've characterized as women being so accommodating to others that they act against their own self-interest. It's one thing to make the point in the ideal universe of the printed page, but I wonder, in everyday life, how do you draw the line between toxic niceness and common decency? I know that I’m lapsing into Toxic Niceness when saying "yes" to something makes me feel uncomfortable. That can be because I’m allowing someone to take advantage of me or I’ve gotten sucked into "not rocking the boat." There’s a lot of boats that need rocking. For instance, the other day a woman at the gym was complaining about the music. "I hate this rap stuff. No wonder these kids all kill each other," she said. Nodding politely would have been the "Toxic Niceness" thing to do; however, I felt compelled to question whether the music was an expression of class/race/age-related anger or if it was a symptom. Is it really common decency to refrain from expanding the dialogue about hot issues? I don’t think so. If it were, Oprah wouldn’t be so popular. On a more personal level, I really do believe that being in touch with my Inner Bitch allows me to have deeper, more honest relationships with my family and friends. And I've found it's invaluable professionally -- everyone I work with knows my boundaries. I don't think of my Inner Bitch as an excuse to indulge in poor behavior; it's more about empowering me to keep my actions and my beliefs in synch.



SIX	I notice Nicole Hollander of "Sylvia" comic strip fame did the cover art for "Inner Bitch." I've been a fan of her stuff for years, so I'm wondering, how did she come to be chosen for that job? Isn’t she great? I love her stuff, too. My editor, Deborah Werksman, who first founded Hysteria as a magazine, had a relationship with Nicole Hollander. When Deb and I decided to do the first book, she contacted Nicole about doing the cover art. Although I had nothing to do with that decision I couldn’t be happier with the results. Nicole really captured the essence of the Inner Bitch.



SEVEN	Can you share a story of something really funny/strange that happened in the course of promoting your books? One of my favorite stories about this happened when I was promoting the first book. I had radio interviews stacked up like flights into Newark. Usually this is all arranged beforehand. But one morning when I didn’t have anything scheduled, I was awakened by the phone ringing at 6 a.m. I answer and hear "Hi! Is this Elizabeth Hilts, author of 'Getting In Touch With Your Inner Bitch'?" "Yeah," I reply. "Well, this is So-and-so and So-and-so and you’re on the air!" "You know, I don’t think so. You’re gonna have to call back after I’ve had some coffee," I say, and I hang up the phone. They called back (off the air, this time) and apologized. After I’d had a caffeine infusion we did the interview. It was a great interview, because these two guys had actually experienced the Inner Bitch in action. Then there was the time I was flown to LA for what I thought was supposed to be the filming of a talk show pilot but turned out to be an audition for the two prospective hosts of the show. No set, no cameras; just me and these two women pretending to do a talk show segment. That was weird, but I did get to see the "Moesha" set and a bunch of frequent flyer miles ... and I'd never been to LA before then.


	THE BIG INDEX... Who they are, what they do, how they think. Go there now. A TO Z ARCHIVE... Everybody here, with quickie bios. Go there now. Return to the main Seven Questions page See the original Newsies 7Q project Contact info@sevenquestions.com Copyright 1999-2002, Thomas L. Mangan